About two weeks ago, I experienced my first real heart break with my first real relationship. I’m not going to explain why we broke up and why we decided to end it. But I will tell you that it didn’t end well. We both don’t talk to each other now. Why? I don’t know. I always thought that even if we didn’t work that we would at least stay friends, but no. But I’m not mad. I’m not mad at him or myself or that it didn’t work. I am happy, not that it ended but I am happy that we happened. My wise friend told me that, it’s not that it wasn’t meant to be, it was just not meant to last forever. and yes, he’s right. We happened for a reason, but we were not meant to be each other’s last. We both taught each other something, and that’s something I would never forget. For being my first everything, I learned that when people say “Learn to love yourself first,” it’s true. You have to learn to love your flaws and imperfections so that someone can love them as well. But I also learned that sometimes, all it takes is the right person to teach you how to love yourself and all your flaws and imperfections. He taught me how to fully love myself, and I can’t thank him enough. When we first broke up, I couldn’t and wouldn’t let go. Does that seem pathetic? YES. Do I regret it? NO. When you’re in love, you would keep going and keep trying to make it work. And I was trying so hard to the point that I seemed like I was harassing him. But after a week after breaking up, I messaged him. NOTHING. Does that make him a bad person for avoiding me? no. But that was when I hit my lowest. I realized that I didn’t need to be like this. I didn’t need to hold on anymore. I didn’t need to feel this way anymore. So, I picked myself up, dusted off dirt and went on my merry way. It was hard, a very difficult task to do, but I had too. not for him, not for anyone, but for me. During this dark time, I found something that even his love for me couldn’t replace. That was the love of family and friends. They were my light to get out of that darkness. There were so many, many great people to lend a hand and pull me up. My parents, for always loving me, and not telling me they were right about him. My sister for crying with me because she knew how I felt. And for being my biggest and bestest support system ever. My friends who called and listened to me cry for hours on end. and my friends who took time in their day to make me smile and listen to my heart break.
At a point in those two weeks, I felt numb. There was so much pain that I felt nothing. I talked to many many guys to boost my confidence, I didn’t sleep with none though. While talking to them, I felt nothing. I broke hearts left and right because I could. Because that’s what I felt. Was it right? Never. But I did it. So people felt what I felt. I rejected everyone and everything just because I wasn’t ready for nothing. I lead guys on because I could. I just couldn’t feel anything anymore.
But wait, I stopped. I figured out what I wanted. And that, was certainly not it. I knew what I wanted, so I went out to look for it. Again, talking with many many guys but still, I knew what I wanted. And that was TIME.
Time to heal, time to get over him, time to stop remembering, time to stop crying, time to focus on me. I only need me right now. I only need the love around me right now. I only need to love myself right now. I only need to heal and move on.
It’s incredibly hard to pick up shattered pieces, especially pieces that are so small. But let me tell you, you can pick it up as much as you want but whatever broke will be fixed again. You might pick it up and get cut even deeper, but with every cut and every piece you pick up, you learn the strength that you have. It tests the strength you have. And you will learn that you are STRONG.
So, my advice is heal. Time will heal. It will take months and maybe, even years. But just know that you will heal and feel something again.
that’s it, I guess